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Airline buddy dies, get bumped up to First Class
LONDON (Reuters)
British Airways crew members moved the body of the elderly woman from the economy section where she had died after take-off. The woman’s daughter was also upgraded and spent the rest of the nine-hour flight from Delhi to London grieving next to her dead mother.
A passenger in first class woke up to the shock of finding himself sitting near a corpse on the a British Airways flight.
“The corpse was strapped into the seat but because of turbulence it kept slipping down on to the floor,” Trinder, a businessman, was quoted as saying. “It was horrific. The body had to be wedged in place with lots of pillows.”
British Airways has apologized for any distress suffered, according to the reports. The Mirror quoted BA as saying: “We apologize, but our crew were working in difficult circumstances and chose the option they thought would cause least disruption.”
One heck of a fish story
Mar. 5 – A German bicycle fanatic has built what he claims is ”the world’s largest biking fish.”
It’s a three metre high and nine metre long 3-wheel monster bike made of 10,000 bike bells.
Didi Senft from Storkow, near Berlin, has already built several unusual bicycles since giving up amateur cycling 30 years ago.
Britney Spears Straight Jacket Doll On eBay
Britney Spears shorn likeness has been forever preserved in clay thanks to a clever opportunist featuring their novel creation on eBay. The doll is modelled after Britney Spears and comes complete with its own straight jacket and Britney’s now-signature bald head.
eBayauction has already ended though.
Tesco has been forced to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of they’re website after numerous complaints.
The Tesco Direct site advertises the kit with the words, “Unleash the sex kitten inside…simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go!
“Soon you’ll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars”.
The £49.97 kit comprises a chrome pole extendible to 8ft 6ins, a ’sexy dance garter’ and a DVD demonstrating suggestive dance moves.
Tesco denied the pole dancing kit was sexually oriented and said it was clearly marked for “adult use”.
A spokesman added: “Pole dancing is an increasing exercise craze. This item is for people who want to improve their fitness and have fun at the same time.”
Also on sale on the Tesco website is a strip poker game, “Peekaboo Poker” which is illustrated by a picture of a reclining woman in underwear.
The card game is is described as a game that “risks the risque and brings a whole lot of naughtiness to the table.
“Played with a unique pack of Peekaboo Boy and Girl playing cards, the aim of the game is to win as many Peekaboo chips as possible and turn them into outrageously naughty fun.”
Beauty treatments you don’t discover until your drunk
From Women’s Health
A barbecue-sauce wrap
A spa in Texas (where else?) starts you off with a peppercorn rub, then coats your flesh with a mixture of paprika, cayenne pepper, and tomato paste. It’s meant to be exfoliating, but who cares about being silky if you have to smell like a hot wing?
A cedar-chip soak
One California spa says these wood chips soften skin. We say there are too many soft spots where we don’t want a splinter.
A beer pedicure
According to a spa in Chicago, the hops and enzymes moisturize your skin as you soak in the brew. Bring your own pretzels.
A bird-dropping facial
This Hawaiian spa treatment uses nightingale excrement to smooth and brighten skin. Next they’ll tell us pigeon poo makes great lotion.
In Love With Love? These jobs / careers will murder that intoxication.
Chocolatier
Tish Boil, the editor-in-chief of Chocolatier magazine, says “Your body gets into a rhythm as you stir and temper the warm, oozing chocolate, and pour it over the soft filling, using precise, gentle movements.”
Can you image inhaling the fumes, flavor and heat of making chocolate 40 hours a week 4 weeks a month and so on…
According to the National Retail Federation, 47 percent of consumers buy candy just on Valentine’s Day alone. One and only Valentines “
Romance Novelist
What could be more of a romantic killer than spending your days writing love stories that rarely if ever happen in real life? Romance novelists create characters filled with passionate desires that rarely imitate real people. Furthermore, not every single women is ‘In Lust’ with Fabio looking men. The last thing I want (again) is to compete for vanity mirror time.
Lingerie Salesperson
MSN Careers “For some couples, nothing says romance more than a silky garment meant only for the boudoir.”
The Reality:
Cranky women who insist they’re fat and look horrible in everything
Angry women who do not always take particular cleaning care of them selves and want your help in stuffing themselves into garments that look much better on air brushed photographs
Men who give dross dressers a bad name
Husbands, boyfriends and stalkers who have no clue how to buy Lingerie for a women
Romance Expert
aka – has been married and divorced five times
Florist
What Husbands, boyfriends, boyfriends with multiple girlfriends and stalkers buy after the bad gift of Lingerie.
Personal Experience – FYI – You’ll need a lot more than flowers if you write the wrong name for the gift or if you ask one of your multiple girlfriends to do it for you and she mis-spells the unaware girlfriend’s name.
Wedding Planner
What better way to ensure you never get married by making a career out of hitching up knowing they’re not going to last more than a few years? Double your income by having an In House Divorce & Annulment Attorney on hand.
SLANG FOR THE WEEK
Definitions
Rents: Abbreviation for parents.
Example: I’m going to see my rents tomorrow.
Nunya: Definition: Contracted version of the phrase none of your business.
Example: Question – How much money do you make? Response – Nunya!
The elepahnt knows, remembers and if she / he gets pissed – run!
Feb. 16 – An angry elephant takes to destroying a vehicle at an annual elephant polo event in Sri Lanka.
A four-tonne elephant threw off his mahout and American rider as the island’s sixth annual elephant polo tournament got under way, rampaging off the pitch and crushing the Spanish team’s minibus with his head.
Feb. 13 – Japanese soak themselves in chocolate bath in new form of Valentine’s Day celebration.
A Japanese spa resort offers a “chocolate bath” as an ultimate Valentine’s Day pleasure for men and women of all ages.
